Did I jump the gun?

I should have called this blog....listen to me gripe and groan about my lack of motivation while I search for a reason to CrossFit again.......

Maybe I wasn't ready to start this over again?

When I begin to create my new blog, I focused on making it pretty, worried about how it would look and spent time coming up with a catchy title before really investigating what I wanted to do after my dance with Fran.  And just like that I was back to who I was before, a person who worried about aesthetics rather than her performance.  I thought that by putting myself directly back into cyber space in a nice little package that the extrinsic motivation would be enough to kick me back into gear.

It wasn't until a few days later when staring at the screen of my computer I hit my first road block. I had nothing to write about.   Its hard to write about living a CrossFit life if quite frankly you haven't been.  Its been 10 days since I promised myself to start another journey, 10 days since I thought it would be easier to continue on after my short hiatus.  10 days since I told myself that I didn't need a specific goal that I could just do this because I knew it was good for me.   10 days and my effort to live a CrossFit life has been pretty lack lustre.  

Where had my drive and passion gone? Would it come back? What will it take to get back on the wagon?   I am starting to worry that the magic I found with Fran was a one time deal and I won't be able to re mix that fantastic formula that drove me to achieve my goal.  There seems to be a lot more questions than answers and with so many unknowns it makes me nervous that I won't be able to follow through. 

Lets just hope that these April showers bring more than just May flowers!!!

A CrossFit Life

There are people out there that just CrossFit for the heck of it.  I know its pretty hard core stuff to just do because spin class was full at the YMCA.   I am not one of these people.  I have never just worked out just 'cause.  I have never just taken an exercise class for fun or bought a gym membership because it sounded like something I was interested in doing in my spare time.    The elliptical heavy, weight watcher days of my past were not because I wanted to better my life and give myself the gift of lifelong health and wellness.  No these hour long gym sessions filled with endless machine bicep curls and bosu ball crunches were because I didn't want back fat in my wedding dress.  Because I wanted to look good in a two piece bathing suit while basking in the sun on my honeymoon.  Let's be honest most recently because I wanted to look as good as the other moms wearing their pre baby jeans two short months after having baby.  Then I found CrossFit and FRAN.  The training I did for FRAN was the first time I had ever worked out to improve my performance instead of my appearance.  Funny thing was I never looked better!  And I had never stuck with a fitness/diet plan that long either!    Coincidence?

After focusing so intensely for such a long period of my time on my goal to complete FRAN prescribed I find that I am struggling to "get back at it".  Without a clear defined performance goal, a carrot dangling in front of my face, I just can't seem to find my motivation for working out or eating well. I lost interest in my blogging, I fell off the paleo wagon.....let me rephrase that, I JUMPED head first off the paleo wagon into a big bowl of Ben and Jerry's 1000 flavour ice cream and haven't looked back for almost two weeks.  I have gained weight, potentially all water from the carb overload, my mood has been iffy, I am tired and lazy and the few times I have worked out, it has been ugly, slow and uninspired.

Without a clear defined goal that focuses on my performance as an "athlete" (I use the term loosely:) I wonder if CrossFit will ever be the same?  Will I slip back into my old habits and lose what I have worked so hard for?

That is not what I want.  My goal hangover has gone on too long.  Its time to figure out how to put all the things I learned from my year with FRAN to good use.  Its time to figure out how to live a CrossFit Life.  Its time to do; As Many Rounds As Possible: Living well, Laughing often and Loving as much as I can.  

Stick with me......